I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
