Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
