you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
