ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
