What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
