It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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