If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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