i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
