Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
