i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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