I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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