Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
