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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We're too hungover to prance.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
