Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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