I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
