Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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