Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
