I just made out with a guy for $7.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I am available for nakedness
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
