why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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