His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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