Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
