Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
