I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
