I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
