I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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