I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
