Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
