Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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