Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
