I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
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