T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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