I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
