I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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