whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
