Pappa wants mamma naked
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
