True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
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