would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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