I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
