I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
