I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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