what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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