Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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