I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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