I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
