i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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