Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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