it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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