2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
