She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
