dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
