I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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