A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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