u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
