For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
