im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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