Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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